Nothing to say

I have just not had anything to write about--my life is boring right now! I guess I am pulling myself out of that hole! I am supposed to mention in one of my post about the Blog Party--coming up March 2nd-9th! Click on the link in my sidebar --I am not quite sure what it is about but I think it will be a great way to see other blog sites and meet new friends! Have fun!

Convicted

For the last week, I have been in a yucky mood! Dont really know why... Probably just really tired. As moms we have so much on our plate, and yet I have added baggage on top of that with work and school! but I am almost through, if I can ever get through Physics! And hopefully will be teaching next year! Praying, and keeping fingers crossed. I havent really had anything to write about lately, Pretty boring when I compare my site to the others I have read; however they have been posting alot longer, so maybe with practice I can get there. Maybe someday I can inspire others, who knows.

Lately, I have had a few thoughts on two things: Juding & Gossip!
Luke 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven."
Couldnt find the scripture on actual gossiping. These two words are so much a part of women. Now I am not saying every woman. Just Most. That is my opinion. Some to a higher degree than others. What woman doesnt like some juicy piece of gossip... whether it be of a friend, of someone in your community, or a member of the Church. How many times do we as women say to ourselves, sometimes to our husbands...Look at what that person is wearing. Oh my gosh, they are wearing white in the winter.... or Can you believe she dresses her kids that way? Lately, mine has been more about personality traits. I recently had the privilege of meeting someone who "just drove me absolutely batty"! I cannot go into detail for fear that I would hurt someone, but this person drove me crazy.. not for any reason in particular.. probably because they were different than me. Now, a year ago or even less, I could have spoke my mind and go on about my business as if I had never met that person. But all of the sudden.. I FEEL CONVICTED.!!! YIKES! That is a term I thought I would never use! TRULY, DEEPLY, CONVICTED. Like I dont like myself for thinking these things! This is totally frightening! I cannot turn into an emotional, likeable person! THat is just not me! My husband and I were riding in the car the other day and subject came up about someone we know and their "very" different ways and we just talked about them, just like a gossip session. I just stopped mid sentence and said Man i feel bad, "they are not bad people" just different from us. He said you have a point, they probably dont like us either.
I was talking to a freind last night, and we were talking about a situation that had happened and we were discussing how that person doesnt show emotions, they are somehwat fake. and I litereally stepped out of my body and heard myself telling, HER, a very wonderful, loving, Christian person--"now lets stop and think, we should be Praying for her not condemning her"! WHAT--WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME? I am sick, I need to see a shrink! Those words would have never come from my mouth without God telling me--"you need to hush, and think about your own self"! IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING? Am I getting a heart for people? Cant happen, It makes me think too much! Plus, I get emotionally attached, and then I hurt for people then I get sad, then I spend time talking on the phone, then I have to send cards, or emails. I do not have time for this in my life. But I find myself wanting to MAKE time, I want to make time to care! I want to make time for others, and I want to find so many friends that I just cant love anymore! I want to LOVE my husband (that is the next post), I want to share with my family. OOOUUU! I am having emotions. I want to quit talking about people, or juding their lifestyle and love them instead! All of the sudden, I hate thinking people may actually be talking about me, probably saying "that girl drives me crazy," that girl needs to loosen up, or she is sooo negative it is sickening! Ok, I dont want to be that person! I want to be the one they say good things about! Wow, this is alot to sink in ! I could go on and on but I have to take my little girl into town and then hit the books with my new found Physics tutor! my goal for this week is to not let this conviction bother me, but rather, let it mold me into a better person that God is wanting me to be.

Dumping Rocks

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY ! I am sure this title sounds a little weird! this will be a short post as I have to get ready for Bible Study this morning. But I needed to vent a little. I had a terrible day yesterday! When I received the news on little Ashley, I just lost it! How in the world could this be happening? How much more can this little family take? The news discouraged me and Satan came in! I started talking to God in the car and literally out loud started to tell him "I finally started to truly believe in something, believe in YOU! If you are there, how could you allow this little one to suffer with anymore heartache than what she is already suffering with?" All of these questions, anger, saddness! It just isnt fair. If He wants to take her home, then please take her before she suffers anymore pain. And if he is going to Heal her, then do it now and let her mommy and her go home where they belong. Let her see how much love has come her way!

Last night I was talking to my aunt (my second mom) and she gave me something to think about "Who are We to question God? we have nothing wrong in our lives, We have healthy children. Who do we think we are questioning him?" She has a very valid point. And maybe I got the wrong meaning.. but I didnt realize it until 1030 when I sat down to read my chapter for today's Lesson.. The very first chapter was about a man who was asked by God to carry stones up the hill, as he went up he stopped by several places and offered to carry their rocks, pebbles, and other items. His load got to heavy and he got angry. Then God quickly reminded him, "I didnt ask you to carry their loads, just the three stones".... In other words, quick trying to carry everyone's else burdens and carry your own! WOW! This hit me hard and I started to SOB heavily, God doesnt want me to carry the Ashley's burdens, her mommy can do that for her! But I will be concerned and I can simply Pray for her! It still hurts but I know He has the power and her family is so very strong... He gave this to them because HE knew they could handle it and handle it with GRACE! I Pray for his healing power on this little Angel, and I Pray for Peace to come into her family. Happy Valentines Day!

SATAN, GO AWAY!!!!

Now, I am just plain mad! I just typed a whole post and lost connection with my computer. The devil is really getting me today… Then I just discovered… duh! Type it in word, you dingbat, and then copy and paste!!!!

Ok, so I will try this again, but those feelings are gone now so I don’t know how this will turn out…………
I am struggling today, and Satan is really gnawing at me! As I read through Ashley’s journal today, I am saddened. Tears of hurt for her mommy, for her, and for me! I want to know, Is GOD listening? There are so many people praying for her, every time she gets better and close to getting out, another bomb falls on her and she starts to struggle! What is it? Is there someone out there still needing to be reached? Is there something he wants from us or from them? I am mad at myself for getting attached, I am mad because I want her to get better. I am mad because I feel these things.
As I was reading through Blogs last night, I read a journal on www.jodyferlaak.blogspot.com (sorry don’t know how to link) and then I found an article on her Story! She lost her four year old in a horrible tragedy in 2001! In the article, it says that she made a statement about how, “there was a reason her family was in that restaurant on that day”! I have always believed “God puts us in every place for some reason”! I have just posted these thoughts last week—but they keep coming back… Here is the updated part of that post
I was told last week to just say out loud these words:
SATAN, GET BEHIND ME!! You are in My way, an offense, a hindrance, and a snare to Me!
And to Pray and give thanks for my healthy girls –so I have been doing that and it is helping some! I just simply say “SATAN GO AWAY”! I don’t want him behind me, in front of me, or even beside me! I don’t want him near me! I love to read these blogs and I love to post—but someone told me-these blogs may have been given to me by Satan himself because he knew it would have a greater impact on me than anything. So I will Pray today for strength, and for guidance to know what it is I am supposed to find out of all of this! Sorry, I will try to post more positive things this week and I will try to get off of this subject! It just keeps lurking! Oh yea, if you read this journal please visit www.ethanpowell.com and Pray for this little 2 month old baby, he has been diagnosed with Leukemia, I know his family and they are such sweet people!