Not enough Time for Anything

When I created this blog I wanted to use it as a journal, like a daily diary, for letters to my family, and for Bible Study purposes. But it hasnt gone in that direction for me! It seems like everything was fine and my life just turned into a train wreck! I know the Devil has interrupted because I cant find the time for my Bible reading so I am convicted for that. I need God to turn things around, but where do I find the time to ask? I have prayed so often for him to reveal himself and tell me what it is I am supposed to be doing with my life, and maybe I am just too busy to see him and hear his answer! I needed to use this few minutes i have to spill my brain and also say thanks to those of you who do read (or try to read my journal) I am missing all of you and I am happy for the time I have at this moment to check in on everyone! Here are my complaints for today:

1. My grandmother fell and broke her hip, she is home from the hospital because my grandfather signed her out AMA (against medical advice). Why? Because he is a lunatic and thinks he knows more than the doctors. Now for the next several weeks my family gets to see the most precious person in the world slowly disappear. He will not give her the meds she needs for, what little part of her mind she has left, to stay here with us! I miss her so terribly and the talks we used to have! Is is bad to Pray for God to take her and take care of her? Because that is where she will be the happiest!

2. I have 8 weeks left to finish all three classes and try to work at the same time. I am about to start Chemistry, I am halfway through Pyschology, and I have to prepare a 5 page portfolio for the school to obtain 3 credits for Leadership Longview. Can I do this? I just so want to slow down and just say to heck with the teaching career for this year! I am tired and worn down.

3. The most important complaint and worry on my mind right now is that my four year old spilled some candy powder on our carpet last week and I turned to her and said "That is why we dont eat in the living room"! I didnt yell, just had a stern sound like I was aggravated...(which of course I am, I am stressed) she looked at me with the most sincere heart and tears rolling down her cheeks and said "can you forgive me for doing this?" I lost it ! Then today she asked if I could forgive her for getting the tiniest speck of dirt on her pants--she was scared and worried about me being mad. What Have I Become? The mother I swore I would never be--Too stressed to pay attention and love my children! I get so impatient and I lose my temper so easily and I take it out on my children. Now my daughter thinks I dont love her because she got her pants dirty!

4. And of course all of the other parts of life that we moms worry about is rolling around in there too... Will someone break in and get my babies, will I live to see them grow up and get married? Will God continue to Bless me and keep them healthy? Will we go broke before I find my career and will my girls have to suffer because of things we have done?


There are books I need to read to ease my mind... there are Prayers I need to say to feel at Peace.. There are things that are beyond my control and I need to let go! What do you do? How do you do those things? I am lost at this point!
I will check in on everyone but I may have week long breaks between posts until something finally gives! Thanks for reading. (if you havent given up by now :) )

by the way--I have LOST 9 pounds! Working on the next 9!