Convicted

For the last week, I have been in a yucky mood! Dont really know why... Probably just really tired. As moms we have so much on our plate, and yet I have added baggage on top of that with work and school! but I am almost through, if I can ever get through Physics! And hopefully will be teaching next year! Praying, and keeping fingers crossed. I havent really had anything to write about lately, Pretty boring when I compare my site to the others I have read; however they have been posting alot longer, so maybe with practice I can get there. Maybe someday I can inspire others, who knows.

Lately, I have had a few thoughts on two things: Juding & Gossip!
Luke 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven."
Couldnt find the scripture on actual gossiping. These two words are so much a part of women. Now I am not saying every woman. Just Most. That is my opinion. Some to a higher degree than others. What woman doesnt like some juicy piece of gossip... whether it be of a friend, of someone in your community, or a member of the Church. How many times do we as women say to ourselves, sometimes to our husbands...Look at what that person is wearing. Oh my gosh, they are wearing white in the winter.... or Can you believe she dresses her kids that way? Lately, mine has been more about personality traits. I recently had the privilege of meeting someone who "just drove me absolutely batty"! I cannot go into detail for fear that I would hurt someone, but this person drove me crazy.. not for any reason in particular.. probably because they were different than me. Now, a year ago or even less, I could have spoke my mind and go on about my business as if I had never met that person. But all of the sudden.. I FEEL CONVICTED.!!! YIKES! That is a term I thought I would never use! TRULY, DEEPLY, CONVICTED. Like I dont like myself for thinking these things! This is totally frightening! I cannot turn into an emotional, likeable person! THat is just not me! My husband and I were riding in the car the other day and subject came up about someone we know and their "very" different ways and we just talked about them, just like a gossip session. I just stopped mid sentence and said Man i feel bad, "they are not bad people" just different from us. He said you have a point, they probably dont like us either.
I was talking to a freind last night, and we were talking about a situation that had happened and we were discussing how that person doesnt show emotions, they are somehwat fake. and I litereally stepped out of my body and heard myself telling, HER, a very wonderful, loving, Christian person--"now lets stop and think, we should be Praying for her not condemning her"! WHAT--WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME? I am sick, I need to see a shrink! Those words would have never come from my mouth without God telling me--"you need to hush, and think about your own self"! IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING? Am I getting a heart for people? Cant happen, It makes me think too much! Plus, I get emotionally attached, and then I hurt for people then I get sad, then I spend time talking on the phone, then I have to send cards, or emails. I do not have time for this in my life. But I find myself wanting to MAKE time, I want to make time to care! I want to make time for others, and I want to find so many friends that I just cant love anymore! I want to LOVE my husband (that is the next post), I want to share with my family. OOOUUU! I am having emotions. I want to quit talking about people, or juding their lifestyle and love them instead! All of the sudden, I hate thinking people may actually be talking about me, probably saying "that girl drives me crazy," that girl needs to loosen up, or she is sooo negative it is sickening! Ok, I dont want to be that person! I want to be the one they say good things about! Wow, this is alot to sink in ! I could go on and on but I have to take my little girl into town and then hit the books with my new found Physics tutor! my goal for this week is to not let this conviction bother me, but rather, let it mold me into a better person that God is wanting me to be.