On my mind

I dont have alot of wonderful things to write about lately--but I can think of one that is on my mind tonight.

Forgiveness:

I have the most incredible husband, he is a wonderful daddy who loves all of his girls! He is a very hard worker and he keeps things from me so I dont have to worry about them. He pays all of the bills, I couldnt tell you if we are rich or poor (probably poor)! I dont even remember how to balance a check book! All I do is spend the money! Now I have to say, I am EXTREMELY HARD TO LIVE WITH! I need to say that before I go any further. I gripe and I am easily annoyed. He is not!! He is very passive and calm, and sometimes sickening with no worries. I am not a loving person, I do not like to hug, or kiss or touch when I am sleeping! Ok-so why did I get married? HMMMMM!!!! Well, I know God brought him into my life to be my calm when there is a storm! Here is where forgiveness plays a part in this story......

He is gone alot, so therefore I have some resentment built up..... BUT.... he is making money, not in some bar getting drunk.... so why cant I see the positive?
He leaves his clothes in the bathroom floor.. I dont have time to clean up my stuff? ... so where is the problem?
He never hugs me or calls just to say I love you, he only touches me at 11 pm (can u guess)...BUT--I dont like to be hugged, I turn my cheek when he tries to kiss me? HELLO! What other choice does he have?
He gets overly angry with me when I correct his driving... Let me tell you this story.... we were driving in Louisiana a few weekends ago and we were at a VERY busy intersection coming out of a shopping center--the cars going from left to right were piling up so they could hurry and make it through the red light, this meant when our light turned green, we would not be able to go if there was a car there...... so what does J decide to do? "tell me if you see cars coming" --yep he was going to run the light! "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" I hollared loudly, he said if we dont we will be stopped here forever, SO--where do we have to be?????? it is RED light--the law???? He turns around and says to me" have some common sense Krista"--WHAT, I must not be hearing correctly--it is a red light--common sense says STOP! Anyway, we got out ok... but you can plainly see why I correct his driving methods and why my truck has an extra brake on the passenger side!
He refuses to put up stuff when he walks by-he just steps over it--his comment is--well you stepped over it too---yes but I have picked up 500 other things prior to that and it is the principal!!!!

I just dont get it! are men really this dense? I have to say my daughter does sleep in between us so there isnt much time for US! We never get to watch movies, I hate to put both of my children with a babysitter at one time because the little one is EXTREMELY busy--nto to mention everyone has their own life! so we never have date night anymore! We did get to go on a cruise at the end of last year-had fun, even had a great relationship for a month when we got home--but that died!

I am Furious because he schedules a b-ball game every year on our anniversary so I didnt even buy him a card this year. BUT he buys a card and something special each year. Does that make it ok, not to me.. but I make him think so!

I love him and I wouldnt trade him for the world--I ask God to help me change.. but I dont think he is listening until I can say I forgive him and until I can ask for forgiveness! Alot of people have given advice, but you know-I am not them.. I have a different outlook on things !

I am currently trying to change my attitude and staying in the Word seems to help very much! If I can only keep motivated and not get discouraged. It helps so much to have different blogs to read and gain inspiration from these women who have been where I am or who are in much worse situations! For not having much to say, it was quite a long post--but I had to get that off my chest. I must go read a chapter so I can get some motivation.